I've got 11 months left

Start to think...

Maybe I don't belong in here.
Maybe I'll get out 11 months from now (I even smile when I notice that I have 11 months left, rather than 12, Hahahah...)

Start to realize..

I like the balancing things.
I'm happy when I have time for my self, my family and my friends
The unhappiest things in the world would be: lacking of memorable moment with those I love the most.
I'm not a material girl, I exactly know that money can't buy happiness.

Now I know,

That I'm not thankful enough for what i've got in the past. My last job, doesn't provide me with the career path, but they give me the best moment in my life, and meet me with the most gergous boss in the world and funniest co-work.

When I drop this job,
I'll seek for a job that giving me emotional stabilizer. That giving me much laugh and smile.
Maybe I'll be a playground teacher.
I'll be anywhere in local company.
Some kind of job that giving me less stress.
So I able to put my full attention to my boyfriend, family and friend.

Counting the days to get out from here.

9.59 pn

Be smart. Be responsive. Be brave. Be bold. Be optimistic.

Leave the doubtness. Leave fear. Leave confusion. Leave the uncertainty.

Think fast. Think now. Think the result. Think all. Think happy things.

I am good. I am best. I am all that I always want.

I am great. I am bliss. I am that no one can even think about.

I am wonderful. I am a beautiful surprise for someone who have been waiting for me.

New Job New Life

Starting last Monday, I effectively worked in the new place, in the new corporate with a new job position.

Now I am a Public Relations for LG Electronics Indonesia.

Pertamanya, seems like it is a dream come true. It's always been my dream to work in the multi national company and dealing with many people. So here I go, living my dream.

Euphoria selalu datang di awal. Semuanya serba menyenangkan. Gue menikmati bangun pagi dan pulang sore (di tempat yang lama, gue ngga punya jam kantor. Jadi gue bisa dateng jam 10 dan pulang malem). Gue menikmati baju rapi dan sepatu tertutup (dulunya, gue ngga pernah bisa lepas dari t-shirt dan jeans serta sandal gladiator kesayangan gue). Gue bahkan menikmati jam makan siang tepat jam 12 siang (well, tingkat lapar gue diatas rata-rata orang. Jam makan siang gue adalah jam 11 siang, ngga bisa lebih dari itu).

Di sini, hidup gue berubah. Pattern hari gue juga berubah. Mungkin memang sudah saatnya gue untuk berubah. Inilah bentuk hidup baru gue. And I love it, still.

Dan lantas, euphoria itu sedikit hilang. Di hari ke-tiga, gue mulai menyadari arti kata-kata temen kantor gue waktu pertama kali menjabat tangan gue "welcome to the hell". Yeahh.. hell. Dimana semua harus serba cepet, serba tanggap, serba benar. Semuanya punya urusan masing-masing dan they don't have time for you. Ngga ada ketawa-ketawa during the office hour, harus serius, ngga boleh maen-maen. Ngga ada becanda-becandaan ngga penting waktu lagi bosan dengan kerjaan. Keep it the joke for my self. I even have to mengurangi disabel suara gue yang cempreng dan tinggi menjadi lebih rendah (baca:berbisik-bisik) Arghh....!!!

Di hari ke-empat gue disini, gue udah harus nyapin media roadshow untuk ke Surabaya.Dealling with talkshow and media gathering in which i never been created before!! Panik, stressfull, bingung, ngerasa bego, semuanya campur aduk. Banyak printilan-printilan yang malah biking gue jadi jungkir balik saking ngga ngertinya. Ngurus bisnis trip. Ngurus tiket dan hotel. Ngurus invitation buat media, rundown acara, dan talkshow. Dan ngga ketinggalan: News Release!!!

Okeee.. gue pernah jadi wartawan, dan pernah dateng ke acara product launching like thousand times. Tapi kan gue ngga tau cara meng-organize itu semua. I bingung. Pengen nangis. Ragu sama kapabilitas diri gue sendiri. Mampukah gue? Gue takut, kalo nanti di sana gue akan messed up things. Siapa yang bisa gue gantungin? No One!! I really have to depend on my self. Hikss..

Then.. ada Renaldy, my new office mate yang bilang 'There's always time for everything. It's good to have some kind of fear, so it keeps u alert on details' A kind of shokcing line yang akhirnya bikin gue semangat lagi. Make it good, make it right!

Dan di hari kelima, hem.. actually I hate to admit it, but yes... I do missed my old office, my old office-mate, my old boss and my old desk. Gue kangen mereka. Gue kangen kerjaan gue yang lama dan hidup gue yang 'terengut'. Gue kangen, tapi bukan berarti gue pengen balik ke sana. I just missed them, but I don't want to go back. Emm... sama seperti kayak lo kangen sama jaman muda lo, but however you just don't want to re-life it. Got it?

So yestarday, I came visit my old office just to met my old friend. Curhat tentang kantor baru, dan hidup baru gue. Dan mereka selalu bilang 'Ini baru pertama-pertama. Adjustment time. U'll get used to it kok. Tenang aja'

Hikssss...

Anyway, now is weekend. Gue puas-puasin tidur dan nonton TV. Tapi jadi bosan sendiri, karena ngga ngapa-ngapain dan ngga ada kerjaan. Dasar aneh!

3 hours 25 minutes

So now I'm trying to stop making any excuse for you..

Bukan karena lo nya lagi ribet,
Bukan karena ada temen-temen lo yang bikin lo sedikit sibuk
Bukan karena lo kehabisan pulsa,
Ato sinyal yang susah di tempat lo,
Bukan karena HP lo mendadak nge-hang,
Hingga sampai di putaran 3 jam 25 menit, lo belom juga bales SMS gue

Bukan karena semua alasan-alasan itu.
Alasan-alasan yang gue buat untuk diri gue sendiri, supaya gue sedikit terhibur. Biar ada sedikit harapan. Biar punya sedikit alasan untuk ngebiarin diri gue sendiri terjebak sama ilusi ciptaan gue sindiri. Alasan yang membuat gue punya logical reason to stay still.

Pathetic...

While, from that thousand of that excuse, truthfully, there's only one reason why you just don't reply it...

It is simply because you are no into me..

few words bout you

You're far far away from me
Don't know much about you
But I like what I see
We don't have to judge each other
We could just be
We could just breathe
Maybe wait and see
But in the meantime

Would you mind if I told you
I loved you tonight
Cuz it seems when you close to me
It's gonna be alright

We've been in love before
haven't we
But past loves like past lives
It seems to me
We don't have to fear this moment
We could go slow
See where this goes
Cuz you never know
But in the meantime

Would you mind if I told you
I loved you tonight
Cuz it seems when you close to me
It's gonna be alright

Several things that ppl don't know bout me

Here's the things:

1. I never lend my books to ANYONE. Not even to my close friend. It is because I had bad experience on lending it. Three times I lended it to different friend, but it was just the same; my book was disrepair. Once I even cried loud because the cover was extremelly damaged.

2. I dream about having a private corner at my personal house and create it as my library, where I can put all my books and CD's collection. At there, I'll let my kids open and read all that books and listen to the music at once.

3. I have many friends, but I only have several best friend that I trust. And I making friend with anykind of person. As long as I'm comfort with them, they can be my friend.

4. Since I was kid, I always have a best friend that looks better than me. But I NEVER, even for once, feel like I'm living in their shadow. They might be have better look, but I'm nicer than them.

5. I Believe in Karma, both good and bad. What goes around comes around. Thus, I don't need any revange. For me Karma is much sweeter than revange.

6. I treated someone like I want to be treated by else.

7. I hate being late. I'm right-on-time person. Making some one waiting for me is irritating me. Thus, I hate people who come late. And I hate to pick up someone who's not ready yet. What is the hard things about being on time?

8. I NEVER failed in my class. The lowest score that I got during college is C (Sociology subject). It was the only C that I've got.

9. I more familiar with my granpa and grandma from my mother side, rather than my parents. Thus, when my granpa passed away, I feel like I lost a huge part of my soul.

10. I've ever crying at the office toilet because of broken heart. A terrible one.

11. My first atraction was Pandu. But my first love was Ade. I like him for almost 1 years, since I was in 7th grade to 8th grade. But I had no courage to show or to say it. If I could turn back the time, I really like to say to him how much I like about him.

12. I never cheated from my boy friend



That's all. I make this, just to killing time actully, while I'm waiting to feel sleepy. Hehehe...

Grieving for Wildan

My phone was ringing at early morning, when the sky still dark.

It was around 5 am.

I was still sleepy and still lil bit unconcious. All I remembered was Ajeng named was on my HP screen. She's calling for me. But I was toooo tired, toooo sleepy then I just ignore her call and turn my phone into silent mode, continue to sleep.

I woke up and noticed that Ajeng has call me for 4 times. I should call her back, but I did not. I straight went to bath room and prepared for work. As I arrived at my office, I was drawn into my job task. I forgot to call her back.

I was too bussy just to remember that one of my close friend has call me four times this early morning. I must be alert that this must be something important. Otherwise, she -a kind of NOT morning person- wouldn't called me when it was the time when she supposed still lay on her bed and sleeping.

I must be know that something just happened.

Around 8 pm, when I was enjoying a cup of tea, I remember to call her. I send her a text asking 'what's up dear?'

Minutes later, she replied my text and delivered a very shocking news. She wrote:
'Wildan just passed away.Please forgive him for any fault he did'

I dialed her number, and heared her sad voice.

Steadfastly, She explained of what happened to Wildan. He got brain infection and hospitilized 5 days ago. Turn out, the infection getting worse, and he passed away this morning. 2 hours after she found out that Wildan has gone, she tried to reach me. But I didn't picked her phone.

Yes I knew that it must be something happened, but I never expected that this thing would be this worse.

I ended the calls with HUGE regret. I wish that I were called her back as soon as I got up, I might had any chance to hear this sooner and would be able to be there for her. I wish I were called her earlier, she might be had someone to cheers her up. I wish I were called her ... I might had less regret.

Wildan...

He is Ajeng's 3 years boyfriend. They met in Yogya, where Ajeng went to college. I heard about him first was when Ajeng visited me in Jakarta. She told me that she's in depth relationship with someone that she's trully in love with. And it was Wildan that she's told about. She shown me his picture on her phone, and said that I should meet him.

Then, Ajeng linked me with his FS account. That was when me and Wildan recognizing each other. He's kind of nice and charming person, yet open. Really like to joke and discussing about anything. Although, we havn't meet yet, but I fell like I already know him.

He told me that I shuld go to Yogya and visit Ajeng. Then me and Wildan, can finally see each other face to face. He was curios about what I looks like, since Ajeng told him that I'm childish person with Chinesse looks while I'm javaness. I said to him that one day we'll meet but not in the close time. He promised me to take me and Ajeng around Yogyakarta and do whatever I want.

I though I'll have any chance to meet him and see his face, talking personally to him. I though he won't go anywhere. I though we have enough time living a life.

I never though that he'll gone.

Not this time. Not this fast.

I'm sorry that we couldn't realize our plan. Then maybe we'll met.. in other world.


May you rest in peace Wildan.