The fact about you

She said she's not much feeling fine by standing in the middle between me and him.
I said I knonw that she won't do anything wrong and betray me.
She said she's fight for me and him and thus she's doing this.
I said I know about that and asked her not too worry.
She said she's afraid that he just like the other guy who chase after her.
I said that if this man would do the same old thing, I won't mad to her and blame on her.
She said that she'll feel very gulity if that happened to me.
I said if he's fallen for her it must be because he's not that into me.
She said she can't even imagine if it comes to realized.
I said that i'm preparing my self for that awkward circumstance, but promise her there'll be no such thing like hurt feeling.
She said that she just take him as a friend.
I said that I know her well, and kind of man like him would never take her heart.

Beepp... Beepp...
Your handphone is ringing
You speak to him, while I'm sitting next to you.
You look so enjoying the conversation, neglacting the fact that you've just said that you can not being in the middle between me and him for any longer.

You said you hate this situation because it seems that I don't left you with any options. Well gues what. You'll always have option in life.

If you hate being around him or having conversation with him, just don't pick up his phone and don't reply his text.

Don't said that you hate this, dear. Because deep down inside of you, I know that you're enjoying, every inche of it, very much.

Why you always play the same game? The game that makes people adore you. Physical is only part of you, not every part of you. So, I hope you are grown enough to understand.

Beautiful Line

I've found this line on Peluk (Rectoverso - Dee's recent book):

Seseorang semestinya memutuskan untuk bersama orang lain, karena menemukan keutuhannya dalam bercermin, dan bukan karena ketakutannya akan sepi.

I hate myself for being so impulsive

BIASANYA gue adalah orang yang plan-based. Kebanyakan yang gue lakukan adalah hasil rencana sebelum-sebelumnya. Waktu gue masuk Mall, BIASANYA gue udah tahu kesana buat ngapain, apakah itu ketemuan sama temen, mau makan, nyari buku, nungguin 3 in 1 selesai, ato cuman window shopping aja. Waktu masuk CD store BIASANYA I know exactly what CD I want to buy (walaupun sering juga iseng masuk CD store, ngecek-ngecek new release).

I mean, gue HAMPIR NGGA PERNAH melakukan sesuatu dengan alasan 'yaaa... ngga tau, lagi pengen aja'

I'm not an impulsive girl, anyway.

But, this well-planed girl turn into a very impulsive girl yesterday...

Mendadak, gue kemaren pengen karaokean. Gue bilang mendadak, karena keinginan itu muncul di saat gue lagi anteng di depan komputer gue, dan sibuk membalas e-mail2 dari client gue. Pas lagi artikel gue baru 3/4 nya selesai. Gue bukannya pas lagi ngga ada kerjaan. Matter of fact, I'm facing deadline. Dan tiba-tiba aja, gue ngambil kunci mobil di laci dan ngajak temen kantor gue, Endah buat karaokean. Berdua aja!

Dia sempet ngga yakin sih waktu gue ajakin, dan ngeluarin tampang 'Serius nih?'. Tapi gue dengan yakinnya bilang: iye.. gue mo karaokean. Yaa.. dia sih ngga nolak, however dia musti ke PIM hari itu dan rutenya pasti ngelewatin Permata Hijau (daerah tempat kita mau karaokean). Nothing to lose kalo buat dia. Yang bikin dia ngga yakin adalah: boo.. berdua aja nih? Terus apa kabar kerjaan lo? Udah jam 4 lho.. Jumat pula, ngga takut macet? Ntar lo balik lg ke kantor, ngga capek? Tadi kan lo siang udah ke Simprug, kalo lo sekarang ke Permata Hijau, bukannya lo jadi bolak-balik dan capek2in badan lo aja?

Bukannya cuman Endah yang ngga yakin, temen kantor gue satu lagi (alfred) juga udah wanti-wanti. 'Lo berangkat jam 4. Sampe sana paling cepet setengah 5. Karaokean sejam. Terus mo sampe kantor lagi jam berapa? Lo kurang kerjaan banget sih? Emang kerjaan lo dah selesai semua?'

Dan gue cuman cuek bebek. POKOKNYA GUE MO KARAOKEAN!!

Bener aja, pas keluar daerah Benhil, gue udah disambut sama sorakan kemacetan. Jumat, Ta... Jumat. Ya macetlaahh... Gue sebenernya udah berfikir mau puter balik aja, kalo sampe di jembatan rel kereta api itu masih macet. Ternyata..ngga. Jadi ya.. gue tancep gas, karaokean. Masuk daerah Permata Hijau, macet lagi. Jumat, Ta.. Jumat. Ya iylaahh... Mo puter balik udah nanggung banget. Deket lagi juga nyampe. Jadiii.. lanjut terus laaahh...

Sampailah gue di Nav, Permata Hijau. Jam 5. Pre menelvon.

Pre : Yannceee.. lgi dimana?
Gue : Di Permata Hijau pre. Kenapa?
Pre : Hehhh???!!! Ngapain?? (Permata Hijau emang bukan daerah maen gue. Wajar kalo Pre agak kaget)
Gue : Mo karaokean sama Endah. Ini lagi nunggu Endah. Dia lagi jemput pacarnya. Kenapa pre?
Pre : Oooo... Gak papa. Gue tadinya mo ngajakin lo ke Atma.
Gue : Ngapain?? Makan Bakso yaa??
Pre : Iya
Gue : Yaa... (agak setengah menyesal. Pre sebenernya udah ngajakin gue lewat FB, tapi gue ngga merespon. Gue pikir, ajakannya berlaku minggu-minggu depan. Biasanya kita emang ketemuannya abis gajian, huhuhu... Tambah menyesal membayangkan bakso Atma yang yummy itu)
Pre : Ya sudlah. Enjoy ur time. Maybe next week ya
Gue : Absolutly pre!
Pre : Daaaghh... yance!
Gue : Daaghh.. pre

Setelah itu, gue bengong di depan Nav for almost 1 hour nungguin Endah dateng sama si pacar. Grrrrr.........

Karaokean sejam. Kelar jam 7.

Balik lg ke kantor dan jalanan macet :(

Di dalem mobil, dengerin Ecoutez, ngantri macet, membayangkan if I could turn back time.

If I could turn back time, gue ngga akan pergi karaokean hari ini. Gue kan bisa pergi kapan-kapan. Ngga harus malem itu juga kan. Jumat lagi. Gue akan stay di kantor, ngerjain apaan kek, sambil nungguin kelar kantor. Mungkin gue akan nelvon pre, nanyain kapan mo ketemuan. Dia pasti ngajakin hari ini. Dan mungkin, sekarang gue lagi di Atma, makan bakso, sambil cerita-cerita (baca:curhat) sama pre. Dan ngga musti kejebak macet kayak gini. Badan tambah pegel, musti balik lagi ke kantor, belum lagi ngabisin bensin (inget taaa... krisis global!!!! berhemat doonggg... spending less, ok?!)

Gue skarang lagi coba berfikir: Kerasukan apa gue kemaren. Kok segitu impulsivenya ya?????????

Is it worth gue karaokean kemaren? NGGA SAMA SEKALI

Kapokkah gue for being so impulsive? BANGETTTTTTTTT....

sigh.

out of reach

Knew the signs wasn't right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool


So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?


Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never met to be


Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok


But I'm
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?


Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never met to be


So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You'll be out of my mind
I'll be over you


And know I'm
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be


Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me

Things I really want to have

Sentimental fool.....

Pengen jadi cewek ber-OTAK, yang ngga selalu pake perasaan kalau udah berhadapan sama cowo yang gue suka.

Pengen punya REM HATI, so I can prevent my self for not falling so deep when I'm falling in love.

Pengen punya INDRA KEENAM, biar gue tahu maksudnya DIA for treating me like that.

Pengen punya obat AMNESIA DADAKAN, biar gue cepet lupa sama yang namanya chemistry dan segala beutiful quincident about him.

Pengen punya BETADINE HATI, jadi kalo sedih, sakit hati, cepet sembuhnya.

Pengen punya KACAMATA BATIN, jadi gue tau mana cowo yang dalemnya beneran baek mana yang dalemnya brengsek.

secret admirer

He is someone that lives near you. You know his laugh, the way his smile and the smell of his body.

You like him.
Yes, you do.
But, deep down inside of you, you know that no matter how hard you try, he still someone that out of your reach.

So then you play this game: stalk on him.
Your work day will started by turn-on your PC and open his FB account so you'll know his life or his day going. You check his recent status, you check his new wall, you check his new photo upload and even you open his photo album whenever you missed him.

You start to get obesses on him, and it's scared me a lot.

You said that I don't know what it fells like for having secret love. Well, guess what? I've been there and done that. I know exactly what it's like to love someone that much, while all I can do is see him passing by from faraway. I know how it's hurt when you love someone but he doesn't love you back.

I know all that things, dear. I recognize your pain. You are not the one who feel paralize because this stupid love.

I had once and I think, everybody have.

I have no suggestion for you. I'm gonna just sit down here, hearing you talking about him.

One day you'll get bore of this sick love and choose to leave him. By that time, I'll make a tost for you and enjoying a glass of wine with you.

This is a bad Monday

I log in to my facebook, and almost all of my friends list has complaining the same thing today : A TERRIBLE TRAFFIC JAM!!

It's monday and it's raining. And you can figure out, what happened next in here, Jakarta. Yes.. traffic jam. The worst one. Grrrrr....

I went to the office at 8, and arrived around 9. It's 15 minutes longer than it should. Well.. ok, it was only 15 minutes longer, perhaps I'm too early to complain.

But then... time to meet my client at Jl. Juanda. Normally, I can reached his office on 20 minutes or less, but yeaahh... It was traffice that make me have to took 30 minutes just to get there. I got the driver anyway, so I didn't drive this time :)

Back from my client's office, I took taxi because the driver had to pick up my partner first, while I didn't have time to wait for him any longer. In the next 30 minutes I had to be in Kuningan, had a meeting with my other client and I haven't prepare the document yet. And it was took around 45 minutes, irritating traffic jam, and cost Rp. 30.000,- to return to my office.

Do I have enough reason to complaining so far??? I got enough of this fucking traffic jam, anyway (mad mode: ON)

Again, I took taxi to Kuningan. The driver still hadn't show up yet.

The distance between my office to Kuningan normally is only around 15 minutes proximity. But I had to go about 30 minutes!!!! Two times longer.

Thanks God, when i got back to my office, the road was not as crowded as before. In 10 minutes I had arrive to my desk. Fiuhhh... The bonus: I got the nai-cha in my hand (it's like thai-tea with jelly inside. So yummyy...)

It's 6.32 pm, and I'm still in the office and starving. Afraid to get home. Frightened of the traffic jam that I might have gone through in this time.

Pathetic.

So, I gues this is bad monday, afterall. Sigh.

I think..

I think, some people are like to be rude, just because they want to transferred all the hurt and pain they've got in their life to others.

I think, some people are being nice, because they have optimisme in seeing life and have trust that 'good things happen to good people'.

I think, after gone many dated and serious relationship, we start to realize that material things and physical appearance can not change what we feel inside, but attitude and personality does.

I think, friend is quite easy to make, but to keep it is thousand times harder, because it's involved a lot of understanding, time, trust and caring.

I think, some of our friends is made to be with us only for certain period. We might not fit it to each other in the next time, and seperated without saying goodbye.

I think, it is important to have the type of our partner, because we will anytime he's arrived.

I think, all what people want is to be listened.

I think, we can not judge person by how much friends does they have, but we can judge them by kinds of friends their like to hang around.

I think, regret is good, so we learn to not taking anything for granted.

I think, 'all things happened for a good reason' is true. The problem is, sometime it's required long time to see what the good reason is, so we choose to get blind.

I think, people are all the same. We have some fear, we have some doubt, we have some pain, we have some hope, no matter how great they are.

I think, we don't like to be judge by our cover, but likely, we do the same thing to others.

I think, I'll get what I wanted, because I'm trying hard to get it.

I think, I'm happy, because I surrounded by happy people and happy family.

I think, I'm not that clever, but I'm not a betrayer.

I think... and I think.. if i'm ugly then so are you. heheheh....